Not so good with touching and/or feelings

I guess my last post was pretty dark, but I was in a pretty dark mood, so it makes sense. What I didn't realize was that anybody still stopped by this broken-down exit to Hickville on the Information Superhighway. (Did I just invent that phrase? Certainly I'm the first!)

Anyway, Chase and Daniel Dale-Grogan took me out to lunch today and they were...concerned. It was an odd look on them, mostly because I thought they were bastard people, not given to emotions. But that's why I like them, because I, too, am a bastard person.

I realize of course that both of these men are fathers, or at least both have hot wives who convinced them they were fathers. (Ha ha! Infidelity!) And of course they have feelings and emotions and empathy. They both have kids to worry about. And hot wives. You have to feel ways about things to have a hot wife. (I have a hot wife and I like to feel my way around her things if you...OK, I'll shut up.)

So they said they were worried about me, which is nice, but I'm not someone who can really deal with my emotions with other people very well, so I played it off. Truthfully, I'm feel much less awful for the most part, and I don't think they need to worry about me. But they do, and I'm glad to have friends who care.

Of course my playing it off makes me seem like an asshole, but I honestly don't know how to talk about feelings with my friends. I haven't had a friend that I could talk to like that since high school. Vulnerability is hard to show to people who you have befriended because of their skill at mercilessly mocking others. You don't start palling around with the hangman and start babbling about your long, luxurious neck.

So, guys, thank you for your concern. Sorry I'm not good at accepting empathy from people. I also suck at taking compliments, but that's less apparent, because I never do anything well enough for people to try. (Self-deprecating humor, if you couldn't tell, is where my strength lies.)

Still, if anybody sees a job out there that's perfect for me, let me know. My job now is better than it was, but I'm glad to explore options that include leaving here and doing something I like.