A New Diet...That Actually Works!

I'm trying to be good. I'm not very good at it, but I'm trying. And the reason is this: every time I don't follow through with a diet, I end up even fatter. This time, I topped out at 260-plus. (Granted, I was kind of eating poorly with purpose, but that's no excuse.)

The first thing that happens when you decide to get healthy is that your TV magically transforms all advertisements into restaurant ads. One day you're eating a burger, drinking a shake and thinking about buying a Save-a-Blade, the next you're eating carrots and broccoli and every commercial is for burgers and shakes.

The second thing that happens is all those stories about diets that you ignore start bugging you. The Grapefruit Diet! South Beach! Nutrisystem! Part of you wonders, of course, if there's anything to this crap. The rest of you wonders how bad it would be to eat some tacos.

Well, I actually found a great diet that is helping me lose weight and feel better. Are you ready? Can you handle this? It's called "eat more vegetables and fruits and not as much crap you know is bad for you and then try to exercise at least a couple of days a week." And it works!

Here's how:

First, buy some vegetables and fruits. I suggest you get the ones you like and will eat. For me, that's cherry tomatoes, apples, oranges, broccoli, squash, green beans, peas and carrots. Then, you eat them -- about seven servings a day.

Next, instead of laying on the couch all the time watching TV, only lay on the couch most of the time watching TV. The rest of the time, do something else. Like the dishes, or taking a walk. Or, combine the two, and join a gym with TVs on the exercise equipment.

Finally, keep doing those first two things, forever. You need to keep buying vegetables and fruits and eating them. Same with the exercise thing. And -- miraculously -- you'll be healthier.

Crazy, right?