Nothing to dream about.

So I've had this dilemma for a while and I thought you all could help me out with it. I have no dreams.

Well, OK, that's only kind of true. I'm sure I dream. I know I've woken up and have had dreams. Those are not the dreams I'm talking about.

When I was younger, I would have ideas -- goals, hopes, fantasies -- that would speed me off to the People's Republic of Sleepyland (formerly Slumbertonia). I would lay my head down on the pillow, close my eyes and imagine I was a superhero or a famous writer or a spy or a lottery winner.

As I grew older, I found that my dreams needed to be rooted more and more in reality. Which is to say, I cannot dream of being a superhero or a spy any longer. And, since I don't have an idea in my head that could be used as fodder for a book (or even a short story), the famous writer one is out, too.

Lottery winner is easier, but it requires me to actually purchase a lottery ticket. Silly? Of course, but I cannot dream of winning the lottery unless I have an actual chance -- however slim -- of winning the lottery.

And this is my greatest fear about "growing up." My hopes for the future are so limited because, I think, all of my potential is gone. There's no more "someday I'm gonna" because someday is today. I am technically a man. I done went to college for my book-learnin'. I have a very limited skill set and I'm doing one of two or three jobs that use those skills.

So I don't dream anymore. I watch TV or read comic books until my eyes start closing involuntarily and I have to pass out. I used to look forward to sleep as a time when my imagination could run wild. Now I look forward to sleep because it's cold in my house and I'm too cheap to turn up the heater very much.

By the by, I'm not saying I have nothing to live for or nothing to look forward to. My life is pretty great, except for the bits that aren't, and Dr. Wife has basically threatened me with death if we don't go to Europe next year. But there's nothing fantastic lurking at the edge of my consciousness. I'm too worried about now to dream about then and I don't know what kind of then to dream about anyway.