Because the problem was too little TV...

Saturday afternoon, a nice man from AT&T came to my house. He spent hours setting everything up. When he left, I had U-Verse.

Why I am at work right now, I do not know. There are far too many channels to be watching, Internet to be surfing, even as I type this.

And I feel awful about it. I really do. Because I've never been in a situation where anybody would look at me and say, "You know, you should really watch some TV."

I see my friends. I go to work on time. I shop for groceries and mow the lawn (sometimes) and do vaguely defined "stuff." But I also watch TV. Holy God, do I ever watch TV.

But I was so fed up with Cox Communications -- my friend in the digital age -- that I broke up with them for AT&T. In doing so, because of their packaging, I ended up with all the movie stations. There are just too many to be believed.

And I want to watch them all. But I wish I didn't want to watch any of them.

Sometimes I think about my life and all the things I hoped for. All those goals and dreams I had when I was younger, buoyed by the potential people kept telling me about. And somewhere along the way, I stopped believing them and stopped believing I could do anything, much less those things I once dreamed of doing.

And I am worried that I am afraid of life. Maybe it's because of all the turmoil in the world, but I think that's only part of it. I think I'm afraid that one false move with destroy everything I've worked for and any chance of recovering it.

So I watch TV. Fucking mountains of it. And I'll keep doing it for who knows how long.

I am so depressed right now that it's ridiculous.