New job FAQ

In the interest of my sanity and your curiosity, here are the burning answers to your burning questions you ask when it burns when you pee.

1. A new job! Are you excited?

Well, sure, but I'm also freaked the fuck out. This is the first time I ever changed jobs and I never expected to move away from my degree field (journalism) and into something I don't know much about (public relations), so I'm more scared than anything.

2. But you're getting a raise, right?

Of course I am. Not that there weren't other reasons for leaving, but I wouldn't have left without a promise of more money. That said, it's not life-changing money. The wife isn't staying home to raise the dogs (though she keep dropping hints) and I'm not buying everybody I know new cars. Hell, I'm not even getting me a new car and I'd really like one of those cars that doesn't smoke when you start it.

3. Are you sad to leave your old job?

Kind of. I mean, there are parts of the job I'll miss and parts I'm very much looking forward to never seeing again. The stress level, for one thing, is supposed to be much lower. Still, I'll miss the news, even if my job wasn't the newsiest out there. Also, I'll miss the adoration of my fans, which was entirely in my head.

4. Will we ever see you again?

No.

5. What are you doing again?

I'm in charge of pickle slices at Wendy's. Someday, with a little work, I might be in charge of mayo distribution or even cheese laying, but you have to start somewhere.

6. We'll miss you!

That is not a question. And you will not miss me, it's just something nice to say. Remember when we told the guy with the moustache who constantly was adjusting his belt and invading our personal spaces that we'd miss him? That was a lie.

7. Are you burning any bridges?

As much as I'd like to tell the people I work with exactly what I think of them, most of them are actually decent people and I have nothing bad to say. And besides, the wife still works for them and I'm not closing the door to a return somewhere down the line.

8. Did they even try to keep you?

Not at all. In fact, I think my boss wanted me to leave and basically told her bosses that I was going so as not to have to negotiate with me. I was, am and will continue to be a pain in the ass, so it's understandable.

9. Does this mean you'll be blogging more?

Probably not, but I think it's because I don't have anything much to say. Granted, with no outlet for personal expression at Wendy's, I might find my irrepressible opinion forces me to blog or skywrite or explore creative dance as a way to unburden myself.

10. I guess that's it.

Again, that is not a question. You are not good at this.