Inside the Salt Mines: Day 2

Today was hard because I made it hard. There's no relaxing at the new job, at least not yet, because I'm a little too jacked up on anxiety and fear.

Talking to my office-mate today, I let slip that my old job was notorious as a place from which it is hard to get fired. She informed me that the same was true of my new job, which is a relief, as I feel like a fraud that will be found out and then driven from the premises with sharpened sticks.

The thing of it is, I know how irrational I'm acting. Nobody has been anything but kind to me. Nobody has asked me to do something I can't or put any pressure on me. All of this is my doing, which only makes it worse.

You can't just feel at ease because you want to. Maybe if I meditated that would be possible, but they frown on pulling a yoga mat out in the middle of the office. So I know I'm bringing all the tension on myself and I know I can't stop it until it stops itself.

At the end of Day 1, I was not looking forward to going back to work. At the end of Day 2, well, I'm not looking forward to going back to work, but at least I'm not actively dreading it.

Hell, I've found 18 different ways to drive to work already and they all take about 45 minutes -- who knows what I'll learn tomorrow.

Worst case scenario - I suck at my job. Ehn, I've sucked at my job before. And if they're not eager to fire people, well, I can do well enough to stick around. But I'm trying to be a good employee and I'm pretty sure I can pull it off.

And if not, well, I'll find something else to do.